Archive | May, 2012

Au Revoir Society, Hello Countryside: Amanda Brooks’ Departure from Barney’s for a Simpler Life

31 May

I really enjoyed this NYT profile on fashion and social maven, Amanda Brooks, as she bows out of NY society to re-plant simpler roots in the English country-side.  As a woman who has worked to ensure that I’m not defined solely by my career, but by the sum of all these parts, I applaud Mrs. Brooks for her departure from the professional realm to get a bit closer to matters that are clearly more important to her right now. The advice that Diane von Furstenberg bestows upon Mrs. Brooks is something I take to heart: “… ‘It’s time for you to figure out who is Amanda Brooks,’ ” Ms. Brooks said. “ ‘Not Amanda Brooks who works for so-and-so. It’s time to define yourself as a woman.’

I also found it very interesting that she sites Ree Drummond, The Pinoeer Woman herself, as inspiration for this move. Get back to basics. Live off the earth. It sounds pretty divine, no?

Here’s the profile in full:

May 30, 2012

Taking Her Leave

By BEE-SHYUAN CHANG

IT was a little more than a year ago that the New York City socialite Amanda Brooks was appointed fashion director of Barneys New York, to some cluck-clucking in the industry. After all, Ms. Brooks, 38, had little experience in retail, other than acting as a muse and later creative director to the fashion label Tuleh, and was more often photographed in preppy classics than the avant-garde brands for which Barneys had been known under the stewardship of her well-regarded predecessor, Julie Gilhart. As the blog Fashionista put it, “We’ve always thought of Brooks as more of a Bergdorf girl.”

Ms. Brooks’s duties included overseeing private labels and creating trend reports, informed in part by the street style of “it” girls, many of whom were part of her impressive network. “We didn’t need more retail help,” Mark Lee, the store’s chief executive, said of the hire at the time. Indeed, a lot of her job seemed to involve attending fashion shows, where she was a front-row regular, and going to openings and galas.

But in March, Ms. Brooks pulled off yet another surprise. She announced that she was not just quitting the Barneys position, but leaving Manhattan itself and planning a yearlong move with her family to a farm in Oxfordshire, England, that is owned by the family of her husband, the artist Christopher Brooks.

Was the Barneys brass disappointed in the high-profile hire? (Through a spokeswoman, executives there turned down requests to be interviewed on the matter.) Had Ms. Brooks — such a clotheshorse that she wrote a 2009 book on personal style — somehow soured on fashion shows? Or, as some in the news media speculated, was the move in support of her brother- and sister-in-law, Charlie and Rebekah Brooks, charged with perverting the course of justice (the term in British law) in the News of the World phone-hacking case?

None of the above, Ms. Brooks said recently, dining on a sunny Friday at Freemans, downstairs from the apartment she’ll soon be renting out. (A North Fork residence will also be leased, to the artist Rachel Feinstein, a friend.)

“It was because of Ree Drummond’s blog, The Pioneer Woman,” said Ms. Brooks, who has recently returned to a blog, ILoveYourStyle.com, that she started after publishing the 2009 book, which had the same name. Reading a New Yorker profile last year of Ms. Drummond, a mother of four who lives on a cattle ranch outside Pawhuska, Okla., and posts prolifically on subjects like how to make cornmeal pancakes (using catchphrases like “yahoo, yippety”) “got me really fired up,” Ms. Brooks went on. “It’s the idea of having a career on your own terms, anywhere.”

At first glance, Ms. Brooks, a consummate urbanite with coolly styled looks, could not be more diametrically opposed to Ms. Drummond. At lunch, several days after the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s annual Costume Institute benefit (to which she wore a minimalist graphite Calvin Klein ensemble), Ms. Brooks was dressed casually in an open-knit beige sweater, black trousers and black flat sandals. Her blondish brown hair fell in an enviable natural wave, and her figure was willowy.

“I lost a lot of weight working at Barneys,” said Ms. Brooks, nibbling delicately at the turkey sandwich with bacon she’d ordered along with an iced tea, then hastening to add, “It was the 14-hour days and then all the traveling.”

Since she married Mr. Brooks in 2001, in a wedding attended by such diverse personalities as Christian Louboutin and Tama Janowitz, the couple have tried to maintain the integrity of their family life, she said, agreeing to limit work events to two nights per week, a difficult feat in the hyperactive art and fashion scenes. They have two children, Coco (not after Chanel, but an abbreviation of Carmen), 10, who has yet to take any discernible interest in fashion, Ms. Brooks said, and Zach, 8.

She said she was reveling in her days off, scrapping her daily Women’s Wear Daily reading habit — “It’s refreshing to clear your mind,” she said. After lunch, she planned to take Zach to a birthday party.

In Ms. Brooks’s view, domestic harmony and success at work are inextricably intertwined. “That fearlessness, to be able to jump around in my career, came from a certain amount of stability and foundation I’ve always had at home,” she said. “I’m defined by my history, my family. I was never looking for my career to define me.”

Ms. Brooks grew up in Bronxville, N.Y., and Palm Beach, Fla., the younger of two daughters of Stephen Cutter, a real estate broker, and Elizabeth Stewart, an interior designer whom Ms. Brooks remembers wearing Alaïa to teach Sunday school. (Amanda’s older sister, Kimberly Cutter, is a novelist.) She attended public elementary school, then Horace Mann and Deerfield Academy, where she was a New England diving champion. While majoring in photography at Brown, she roomed with Patricia Lansing, a daughter of Carolina Herrera, for two years. She also briefly dated Alexander von Furstenberg, the son of Diane, who soon became what Ms. Brooks called “my fashion fairy godmother.” “It had nothing to do with Alexander,” Ms. von Furstenberg said of the bond between the two women. “But I have always had that special complicity with Amanda because of how we started.”

She added: “When I met her, she was very kind of WASPy and I didn’t even think she was that pretty. But I loved watching her grow. She learns, she absorbs, she’s very entrepreneurial and she’s very nice.”

The two women had lunch a few years ago, and Ms. von Furstenberg agreed to write a foreword to Ms. Brooks’s book. “She told me, ‘It’s time for you to figure out who is Amanda Brooks,’ ” Ms. Brooks said. “ ‘Not Amanda Brooks who works for so-and-so. It’s time to define yourself as a woman.’ ”

Ms. Brooks has never been shy about attracting powerful mentors. Her career started with an internship with Patrick Demarchelier, the fashion photographer, after she approached him at a French restaurant on the Upper East Side. Then there was a stint at the Gagosian Gallery, secured after chatting up Larry Gagosian, its founder, at a shoe store in the same neighborhood.

After working for Tuleh and Hogan, the leather-goods company, she consulted and then became director of fashion for the agency William Morris Endeavor, working with more mainstream brands, like Revlon and American Express. “Amanda is a complete person,” said her boss there, Mark Dowley, former chief executive of the agency’s marketing division. “Because she’s so pulled together, she’s incredibly disarming, but that can also be very intimidating.”

Ms. Brooks’s friends, though, described her as down to earth. “She’s a jock,” said Amy Astley, the editor of Teen Vogue, who is also married to an artist, the sculptor Christopher Astley, and got to know Ms. Brooks in the North Fork, where she also has a home. “She’s the girl who is swimming in the sound in April. She’s not a prissy fashion girl at all.”

Ms. Feinstein agreed. “Amanda is fearless,” she said. “If she decides to do something, she isn’t worried about what people might think.” She added: “She’s incredibly genuine. It’s hard for people to realize that someone like her is actually how she is. People want to dislike her because they can’t believe she’s had all this.”

At Barneys, though, Ms. Brooks faced challenges for which her charmed life might not have prepared her. She was part of a new management team, led by Mr. Lee and including Daniella Vitale, a veteran of Gucci, and Dennis Freedman, formerly of W magazine, that has tried to carry out a mandate to reinvent the store — an uphill battle.

“These last few years have been the golden age of luxury,” said Howard Davidowitz, a retail consultant. “During this golden age, Barneys has been a train wreck. It’s sort of undeniable. It’s almost in bankruptcy. Why is that?”

His theory: “From a merchandising point of view, they focused themselves out of business. If you have a big store, you have to have a wide range of customers. Otherwise, you won’t do enough business. They were way further out on the fashion curve, and that means much more risk.”

On May 7, after Ms. Brooks’s departure, Barneys announced that Perry Capital had become the new majority owner after a debt-for-equity deal.

Not that this is Ms. Brooks’s concern any longer. Instead, she is facing the challenge of branding herself just as the extended Brooks clan seeks greater privacy. (Through her, Christopher Brooks declined to be interviewed.) Ms. Brooks acknowledged that she was self-conscious posting on Twitter about herself, rather than a brand or a company, and that one of the qualities she most admired about Ms. Drummond’s work was that “she doesn’t exploit her children and husband.” But, “I love Instagram,” she said. “I love just posting a photograph and not saying anything.”

What kind of dispatches will be coming from Oxfordshire, where Ms. Brooks said she had spent most of her time on visits wearing jodhpurs? “It’s about a different perspective of living on a farm,” she said. “I’ll be looking for style, of course, as I do now. It might be the way I arrange a cheese plate, or how I arrange the flowers in a guest room.”

While Ms. Brooks refused to discuss the investigation rocking her extended family, she underscored her own toughness, telling of how four years ago, between fashion stints, she trained five months to push a dog sled 250 miles in Arctic Norway to raise money for charity.

“I’m adventurous,” she said. “I’ve always done well in situations that were unfamiliar to me. I’ve thrived on them.” A little bit of a chameleon? She lit up. “I’m not a little chameleon,” she said, “I’m totally a chameleon.”

Though it’s not yet clear that she can blend in entirely with the common folk. “If Amanda has one Achilles’ heel, it’s maybe not knowing how to play every situation,” Mr. Dowley said. “Not everybody knows what’s the latest thing in Vogue.”

But Ms. Brooks said she’s determined not to disappear. “I’ve just been programmed,” she said. “I’m success-oriented.” Mentioning plans for a second book, which will focus on stories of inspiration and influence over her 20-plus years in the fashion business, she mentioned the science lectures she loves at Rockefeller University, her collection of vintage books and being inspired by the work of the Pulitzer Prize winner Siddhartha Mukherjee.

“I’ve spent my entire career devoted to the vision of others,” she said. “This year away is for introspection. For myself.”

Pepsi and Twitter Partnership Reshapes Remote Online Audiences’ Role

30 May

Not only can we view concerts remotely via streaming video, now we can control them. Or at least the songs that get played. At least that’s one of the ideas coming out of a massive partnership with Pepsi and Twitter.

According to this AdAge article, “Pop-up concerts will be held in small venues around the country beginning at the end of June. They will be announced on Twitter one to two weeks in advance and will be streamed live on the platform through the @Pepsi handle. Twitter users will also be able to influence song choices at the concerts.”

There are a few reasons I’m particularly excited about this, but the main ones are that:

  1. It’s pushing the envelope in interactive/community-based entertaining. This is with concerts, but it’s only a matter of time until it becomes TV, radio, and other traditional verticals
  2. Similar to their Refresh program, Pepsi is taking this platform (as it did with Facebook) and reshaping its capabilities, thus driving further innovation. Bravo to them for the vision and ability to make it happen

It’s only a matter of time before we see more ideas from other brands take shape based off this new model. I’m curious and eager to see where it takes us.

Here’s the AdAge article in full:

Pepsi, Twitter Ink Yearlong Deal
Global Music Partnership Builds on Soda Brand’s Current Campaign

By: Natalie Zmuda Published: May 30, 2012

Twitter has inked its most extensive partnership to date, this one with Pepsi.

The global partnership, dubbed “Live for Now Music,” coordinates with Pepsi’s current campaign and new global positioning. It will span 52 weeks.

“This is the biggest initiative a marketer has done with Twitter to date,” said Adam Bain, Twitter’s president-global revenue. “It ranks as one of the smartest campaigns we’ve seen on the platform too. … This yearlong program takes full advantage of Twitter.”

The program, which has been in the works since late last year, has three aspects and relies heavily on video, both live streaming and original content. Mr. Bain said the program does not require Twitter to make any updates to its platform.

Pop-up concerts will be held in small venues around the country beginning at the end of June. They will be announced on Twitter one to two weeks in advance and will be streamed live on the platform through the @Pepsi handle. Twitter users will also be able to influence song choices at the concerts. Shiv Singh, global head of digital for PepsiCo Beverages, says the concerts are meant to be “spontaneous.” He declined to comment on artists that will be featured.

The brand also will be working with Twitter to determine trending topics related to music by analyzing the platform’s hundreds of millions of tweets. Those topics will be compiled into a short, weekly video digest, which will be embedded on Pepsi’s Twitter page every Wednesday. Finally, the brand will give away free music downloads via its @Pepsi handle.

Pepsi plans to use Twitter’s ad products — Mr. Singh says they have worked “very well” in the past — to draw attention to “Live for Now Music.”

“This further reinforces Pepsi’s position as being a curator, sponsor, creator, supporter and participant in pop culture and music, specifically,” said Mr. Singh.

Mr. Bain said “Live for Now Music” is the second program to come out of the relatively young brand-strategy group, which is run by Joel Lunenfeld. Mr. Lunenfeld joined Twitter less than a year ago from Atlanta-based digital agency Moxie Interactive, where he was CEO.

The first program to come out of the group was the AmEx Twitter Sync Campaign, launched at this year’s South by Southwest Interactive. Mr. Bain wouldn’t discuss how lucrative these types of partnerships are for the six-year-old platform, saying only, “We’d like to do more deals like this. … Any opportunity to get strategic with a marketer and agency is rare.”

Pepsi isn’t the only one getting strategic with a popular digital platform. Rival Coca-Cola announced a global partnership with Spotify in April. The music-streaming service will be the centerpiece of Coca-Cola’s “Year of Music” campaign in 2013.

Q&A with Queen Plate Spinner, Audrey McClelland of MomGenerations.com

29 May
Audrey McClelland

Audrey McClelland

I’ve been a long-time fan of Audrey McClelland for a number of reasons but mainly for how she’s built a strong personal brand, founded an online empire, MomGenerations.com, and all the while raising her four darling boys. If ever there was someone who personified Social Spinning Plates, Audrey fits the bill! I was lucky enough to pick her brain recently on how she does it all. Take a look, I’m sure you’ll find, just as I did, that her advice really hits home:

CM:  As the mom to four boys, how do you keep everything running in your household and professional life?

AM: My husband! I swear, he’s the glue. We made the decision a year ago that he was going to be with the boys while I went out and worked. He’s the one that keeps the house moving and the boys where they need to be, which allows me the time to work. We have a calendar in our kitchen where we try and keep everything.  Other than that, it’s all in my head… which isn’t always good!  LOL… but in all seriousness, I can remember many work things and keep all the boys stuff in my head, too.  But it’s my husband who runs the household. He’s my glue.

CM: What is one of your greatest accomplishments in your family and professional life?

AM: My greatest accomplishment in my personal life is William, Alexander, Benjamin, and Henry. They are my greatest loves and joys. My greatest accomplishment in my professional life right now is being able to provide for my family.  My husband worked SO hard for us for 7 years while I built this, when he was laid off, we were terrified. So it’s an amazing feeling to be able to do this right now.

CM: If you could give other busy moms three pieces of advice, what would they be?

AM: 1. Cherish the small moments, too.  The moments of bedtime kisses, holding hands on the way to school, conversations at the dinner table… there can be the best memories.

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff! The laundry will always get done.  The toys will always be picked up. Enjoy the moment!

3. Make time for YOU. I know it’s not easy, but even a shower after the kids go to bed can be amazing.

CM: How do you find “me” time and what does “me” time look like (massage, run, pedicure, etc…)?

AM: LOL… how funny! I just mentioned this as one thing to do! I think if you could find an hour once a week. Or literally… it can just be 30 minutes in the shower, on a walk, baking, crafting or watching television. I fully believe it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and it makes you a better mom.

CM: What exciting projects do you have coming up?

AM: We have our Getting Gorgeous Event on August 4th in NYC which we’re SUPER excited about!  That’s been on the forefront of all the planning.  Also, I’ll be working with P&G this June on a special project which I’m extremely excited about!

CM: What do you love most about being the queen in a house of boys (this one is relevant to me in light of our upcoming arrival!!)?

AM: I love that my boys protect me. They are truly my little protectors. I remember everyone saying to me when I was pregnant with Henry (my 4th), oh – I hope it’s a girl! But I always have loved having boys. They are my loves. They treat me so special and there’s nothing in the world like a mom’s bond with her little man.  My guys are my life.

CM: Any last words for moms trying to keep all their plates in life spinning?

AM: When you need it, ask for help. It’s something I never used to do because I felt like people would think I look weak. But the truth is, I needed the help with the boys from my husband and my mom. It helps YOU!

In A Nutshell, This Is What I Do…

23 May

“So what do you do for a living?”

“I work in marketing, specifically, social media.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

Confused smile and change of conversation often follows…

Social media is a well establish strain within the marketing world, but in laymen’s terms, it usually comes down to the core platforms. So in essence, when I tell people I work in social media, they assume I am on Facebook all day.  And they’re not totally wrong, but I’m usually on the back-end of pages, analyzing data, engagement, performance and overall strategy. In a nutshell.

 Image

I saw this infographic from Buddy Media, that helps categorize many of the elements, platforms, offerings and companies within social media. While it just a nice job of painting a picture, it still doesn’t even come close to showing everything out there and what makes up this new-ish, highly diversified category. I’m thinking of printing it out and carrying it with me for the next time I have a conversation similar to the one above.

Gearing Up For The Road

22 May

The Griswolds: An American Road Trip Icon

This summer our family is embarking on a new tradition, one I grew up with and one I hope my kids will enjoy as much as I did (in theory): the family road trip! In years’ past, we’ve hopped around the east coast on trips visiting both Ian’s and my family. A long weekend here, a holiday there, three- to four-day trips were the norm. Even with Teddy, it was easy. And we didn’t have to pay for his tickets.

Then Teddy turned two and we realized we needed to reassess our plans (and their costs!). So this year, instead of our previous one-off trips, we’re loading up the minivan, taking two weeks and driving out east. And to be honest, I can’t wait. I’m sure I’ll be eating those words, hour eight into day two, but in theory (and from the comforts of my desk), it seems like a fun adventure. And, let’s not dismiss the fact that modern technology will be a saving grace, I’m sure. For better or worse, our car has a DVD player and while I used to be one of those: “what’s wrong with giving them an activity book, who needs to watch movies?”, I’ve now seen the light. We don’t have the DVD player going for normal outings, but for longer trips, oh mama, it’s a life saver!

But the real excitement of our trip is not the drive but who we’ll get to see. We’re going to visit my cousin and her family, my aunt and extended family in eastern Long Island and then of course Ian’s entire family for our annual Martha’s Vineyard escape. Four generations together, it’s pretty amazing.

So here’s my question to you, savvy, helpful reader: how do you maintain sanity during long road trips? What tips, tricks, advice and warnings can you share?

Before You Start, Set Your Goals

17 May

Don’t be a disease chasing a cure. I’ve said that countless times to clients and colleagues in regards to chasing after the newest bright and shiny social media toy. And it’s a stance that more brands are embracing.

In essence, it suggests that for a brand to enter a new social outlet or platform, they need to have clear objectives and goals set in place to justify and shape their strategy for being there in the first place. The brands who are doing it right know what they’re setting out to do, which provides direction and a path to success. Brands who blindly enter a space because “everyone else is doing it” might as well hang up the towel because they’re bound to get lost in the clutter (not to mention waste manpower and dollars in the process).

My advice for all brands, whether they’re an F500 or small business, is to define what success on that outlet looks like. What are the goals, who are you trying to reach, and how can you get there? By carving a strategic route, you’ll see infinitely stronger ROI and ROR (return on relationships).

As Kim Kadlec, worldwide VP, global marketing group at Johnson & Johnson said: “You must know what you are trying to accomplish [first]…What’s your end game? What are you trying to accomplish? People are there because they love [Facebook]. We don’t want to ruin the party. That’s our challenge.”

Transitions and Car Bombs (keep reading)

17 May

It’s been a bit of a transition in our house lately. With Sarah’s last day coming right up (oh wait, it’s tomorrow!), we’ve been trying to explain to Teddy that Sarah’s “going on an adventure” and that a new girl (named Marie) will be watching him and Lucas. It’s hard to tell how much of it he’s grasping, but it’s clear he’s catching wind of something, as he’s been acting a bit different lately. Hard to put my finger on it, but I know he can tell something’s going on. Or maybe it’s my growing waistline and Teddy’s beginning to understand there actually IS a baby growing in there and he’s going to have a little brother. Like I said, we’ve been in a bit of a transitional state lately.

But as t Marie’s start date approaches and the baby’s due date gets closer, I’d be remiss in thinking about the other exciting things coming up. We have a busy and exciting summer in store, and I can’t wait. If this spring has been any indication, we’re in for some lovely weather and I really want to take full advantage of it. Beaches. Parks. Picnics. Day trips. I feel like once September 14th (or thereabouts ) comes, life is going to get a lot more complicated. So until then, I want to spend as much time enjoying this “freedom” we have with Teddy.

In other news, the NATO summit is taking place this upcoming weekend in Chicago, which will be interesting. I hadn’t paid too much attention to it, until at a client meeting yesterday someone in the room mentioned concerns about car-bombs. What’s that you say? Yikes. My office is a bit on the fringe of the downtown parameters of where all the action looks to be taking place, but somewhat unsettling, none-the-less. We shall see.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week. Can you believe that Memorial Day is coming right up? I think this might be the first year in more than I can remember that we’ll be in town. And you know what? I can’t wait. Three whole days at home with nothing planned. Sounds like bliss to me!

Teddy during the “boys adventure”

PS- I have to say that I have the greatest (okay, maybe one of) husband out there. As I mentioned in my last post, last weekend I hosted five of my dearest college girlfriends for the weekend. It was a true girls weekend as Ian, Teddy, and Monte (the dog) packed up and spend the weekend at my parents’ house. The ladies had a wonderful time and according to Ian, so did the boys. Only on Mother’s Day did they all reappear to make the girls brunch. It was SUCH a wonderful treat, in so many ways. A weekend for the ages.

The Skidmore Ladies and Teddy

Ladies Weekend

10 May
Ladies of Skidmore

Ladies of Skidmore

This year my Mother’s Day gift is coming a bit early and it’s disguised as an entire weekend.

Let me explain…

I went to college in a fun town, Saratoga Springs, NY, and have some pretty amazing girlfriends from my four years at Skidmore College. In the more than 10 years that we’ve been friends, we’ve grown up, some have gotten married, some have moved, some have changed careers, but we’ve always remained in touch. In the more recent years, we’ve managed to grow closer. Despite geographic distance (living in LA, San Francisco, Chicago, and New York City), technology has bridged the gap when in-person visits hasn’t been able to happen. It’s pretty amazing to think that as we come up on our 10 year reunion (have I REALLY been out of college for almost 10 years?!) we’re still great friends and I love each and every one of them.

So back to my Mother’s Day weekend. Tomorrow, five fabulous women are flying into Chicago from LA, SF, & NYC for a girls weekend…and Ian and Teddy are packing up and moving into my parents’ house! No boys allowed. This is one happy Mama!

I can’t wait to be in one place, for a whole weekend, surrounded by such amazing ladies, delicious food, lots of laughter, catching up, stories from the old days and plans for the future. It is also exciting as I’ll be showing off Chicago to three of the ladies who have never been here before. A bit of pressure! It makes me feel very lucky to have such wonderful women in my life and the support of an amazing husband (and son) who knows when to bow out and let the ladies run wild. Just one of the many reasons why I feel so lucky to have married one of the greatest guys out there.

How will you be celebrating this Mother’s Day?

President Obama Comes Out In Support of Same Sex Marriages

9 May

Getty Images

Breaking news reports that President Obama has just come out in support of same sex marriages. It’s hard to fully articulate how proud and happy I am about this. I firmly believe that marriage is something that should be afforded to everyone. The fact that our sitting president feels this way makes me feel proud to be an American.

Okay, I think I can better articulate how I’m feeling: full-body-goose bumps, as my sister Maeve would say.

UPDATE: This Frank Bruni NYT column was shared with me on Facebook and I think it eloquently and thoughtfully summarizes how I feel… The happiness, the pride and the hope that comes with what our President said today:

No Matter Their Impact, Historic Words

By FRANK BRUNI

It will be a few hours still before we learn all that Obama said to ABC News this afternoon, before we can fully parse the words and analyze their effects, as we surely will. That’s our job. That’s our obsession.

But make no mistake: history was made today, and millions of Americans right now feel that their country has shown them a new, heightened degree of the respect they richly deserve.

Our highest elected official, our president, said that same-sex couples should have the right to marry, something that none of his predecessors had done, something that he had refused to do since becoming a national political figure. There’s a powerful message in that.

For a variety of reasons, marriage equality over the last five years became the issue that gay men and lesbians put their chips on, and it became the test of where you stood on the question of whether they warranted equal treatment under the law, whether they were worthy of full acceptance into American life. It evolved, even as the President did, into a matter as grandly symbolic as it is legalistic and practical.

So for Barack Obama to say—as it’s clear, from the ABC excerpts already released, that he did—that he supports the right of gay men and lesbians to marry is for him to communicate, at long last, from the tallest and most important bully pulpit in the world, that he sees us as the equals of all other Americans, our humanity as unassailable, our dignity as unquestioned, our contributions as vital and meaningful.

Over recent days it has been observed that the president’s position on this didn’t and wouldn’t make immediate or enormous difference in the actual law of the land. That remains true. States decide on marriage—as North Carolina did, regressively, on Tuesday—and no signal or word from the president is going to translate into the legalization of same-sex marriage from coast to coast.

But that doesn’t diminish the emotional importance of what just happened.

I find myself thinking about all the teenagers and young adults out there who cower in silence because they worry about being ostracized if they speak the truth about their sexual orientation. I think about the ones who are bullied, even the ones who contemplate taking their own lives.

And I think about what it will mean to them to hear the president say what he did today, not because they’re focused on marriage but because they’re buoyed by any and every reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with them, nothing inferior about them. Today their president gave them that reassurance.

I think about how it would have felt to me when I was 16, and fearful, and often deeply, deeply depressed, to hear a president say what ours did today. I can’t imagine it. In the three decades since, our country has traveled an enormous distance, and today is a poignant and compelling marker of that.

Hooray for President Obama, who indeed risked something today. You will hear in the coming hours and for the rest of the week that because of Joe Biden’s bit of Sunday-morning loquaciousness, Obama more or less had to do this, lest he diminish his “brand” of high principle and authenticity, lest he lose moneyed gay donors, lest he look like a troglodyte in an administration of more enlightened sorts.

And perhaps he and his aides did conclude that politically, this was the optimal course, the better wager.

But there’s plenty of doubt and plenty of dispute about that. Plenty.

So hooray for all of us. At a time when it’s often hard to feel anything but cynicism about those who govern us and about government itself, we were just treated to something that looks, to these eyes, like leadership—and maybe even bravery.

Oh boy, oh boy!

8 May

Kisses from Teddy after finding out the new baby’s a boy!

We got exciting news on Friday: Teddy is going to be a big brother to a…little brother! Yep! Two boys. Actually, including Ian and the dog, make that four boys. One lady. But, I figure there are worse things in life than being surrounded by a flock of men/boys who love me. And Ian has promised to get me jewelry. Lots and lots of Jewelry!

I definitely thought this new baby was a girl. Mainly because the first 14 weeks were so much harder and different than Teddy’s pregnancy. Even my doctor told me she thought it was a girl. So imagine the surprise when low and behold, another boy. And you know what? I can’t wait!

The image of Teddy, showing his younger brother the ropes, playing and rough-housing with him, cheering for each other on their respective sporting sidelines… those images are pretty amazing and I absolutely can’t wait until they take place.

Right now, we’ve tried to communicate to Teddy that the new baby is coming, but it’s still not very clear how much he really understands. I do know that he’s been super cuddly at times, which I love, and hope is him trying to get in some big and little brother bonding time. His younger brother is one lucky little guy to have Teddy showing him the ropes.

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